The Psychology behind the Sale; People – Centered Skills (Part-Two)

We started this series asking if you really understood the people that you sell to (or try to sell to) on a day-to-day basis. Or are you the type of individual that says, “that guy was weird!” or “they sure weren’t very friendly?” If you have ever said that, chances are those people were not weird or unfriendly; you just didn’t have the skills or take the time to understand them. To respectively use a common cliché, you weren’t “walking their shoes”. 

You see as individuals selling ourselves first and foremost, it is our responsibility to get into the other persons (prospect or client) “comfort zone,” not expect them to get into ours. Hopefully this series will help you understand a piece of the psychology behind the sale by helping you understand human characteristics based on sibling birth order.

Last week we talked about first borns. This week we will talk about the children in the middle. Next week we will address the last borns.

Middle Children

Middle children were born too late to enjoy all the special considerations first borns received, but born too soon to realize the advantages last borns had.  For example, by the time the last born arrived, parents were much more relaxed about things. Middle Children happen to be the first, normally, that will “leave the house”—literally. They go out for a gallon of milk and never come home—figuratively. Middle Children have more friends than their older brother or sister, because they look outside the family for a sense of belonging, since being in the middle doesn’t provide one. In most households, the parents have 2000 photos of the first born, but only one of the second born.  Or they may have just two or three; birth, graduation & marriage. Everything that happens in between is a big mystery. They are fiercely independent people. They don’t like to make commitments because they don’t like to be “tied down”. Middle children are friendly, sociable, outgoing types. Again, because they were the fifth wheel at home, they had to seek out a sense of belonging from outside the family. They’re also great diplomats. Growing up they had to ‘manipulate’ up and ‘manipulate’ down the sibling chain. And, because of being in the middle, they tend to make the best salespeople. It was the only way to survive as a kid. They get along easily with others, both older and younger.

Interaction Tips for Middle Children 

1. Always let a middle child “sum up” and say out loud what you believe the two of you have agreed to. It actually has to come from their lips in order for them to honor it. 
2. The flip side is you’ll have difficulty tying down a middle child to a commitment.
3. Apples for apples, a middle child can out-manipulate the rest of you, so be careful. 
4. A sloppy desk doesn’t necessarily mean a disorganized person They know what pile something’s in, if they really needed to put their hands on it. 
5. It’s easy to confuse a middle child’s easy going, friendly demeanor as open-mindedness.
6. Middle children are looking for loyal relationships (but not with immediate family), because that’s what was missing growing up: Undivided attention. Translation to sales? Middle child customers are very loyal to their suppliers, so get a good track record established early on in the relationship. 
7. One-upsmanship, favoritism and phonies are disliked by them.  In a sales environment it is especially important to use the “not ok” rule; i.e. intentionally place them above you. They should feel just a little more “ok” than you, but you need to always be upfront and honest with them.
8. Middle born seldom forgives and never forgets.
9. They are persistent in the face of adversity and confusion. Don’t count on them backing down if they perceive you as a personal challenge.
10. Middle borns are well liked and they want to have an impact on others. Be interested in their thoughts and you have won a friend.

One last piece of input from personal observation and experience: Middle borns are quite competitive. No matter how hard they try, they can never be the first born. That’s what drives their competitive spirit. Now I don’t mean for you to feel sorry for middle borns, they have what it takes to get the job done. Just give them a little attention, and you will win a quick friend. 

Are you a “last born” still waiting? Part three of this series Sales Talk next week will be about you.